


My Thoughts on You

by That_one_transguy



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Aziraphale and Crowley Through The Ages (Good Omens), Crowley's an anxious mess, M/M, More like an ambiguous ending, Song fic, and Aziraphale is clueless, in other words, it's a 5 plus 1 fic, look- I'm not good with ending fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-25 06:35:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20372293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/That_one_transguy/pseuds/That_one_transguy
Summary: Or five times Aziraphale unintentionally breaks Crowley's heart and the one time they talked it out.





	My Thoughts on You

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on the song My Thoughts on You by The Band Camino. I don't own the song nor do I own Aziraphale or Crowley. 
> 
> Also this was written half-asleep so please be kind. 😅

Give me a second light I haven't smiled since yesterday  
If I need to I can pay, but lemme hold this till I feel ok  
Since you burned me at the stake, all of my feelings went away  
There's no feelings in my way, at least there's no feelings in my way

1) Crowley had many regrets. He was a demon it came with the territory, but the thing he regretted the most was asking- begging- for the holy water back in the 1800s when he knew Aziraphale wasn’t ready. It, of course, led to a fight and the- his- angel stomping off. He truly wasn’t planning on using it as a suicide pill, and he had planned to explain. But then Fraternizing was said- and all he could see was red. They’d been fraternizing? Was that truly the right word? Weren’t they friends? They were being social and he a bloody demon had been falling in love. That was his mistake really and now he’s learned- never fall for angels unless you want them to tear your heart out.

I was there when you were blind to everything that I could see  
I'll pretend that it's just me, but maybe really it's just me  
I forgot what it was like, to think I found you finally  
What if you were the one for me? I hope you weren't the one for me

2) “You really can’t feel it?” The same question at least twenty times as well as walking around in the cold of winter over an hour looking for a man that just did not exist- it was beginning to wear on Crowley, so he’d said something he shouldn’t have.  
“No, Angel. I can’t fucking feel the love you won’t shut up about. A walk in peace is all I ask- so please do shut up and stop blathering!”   
Nothing but stifled sniffling was heard on the way back to the bookshop and Crowley didn’t blame him when he wasn’t invited in and the door was slammed shut. Aziraphale never slammed doors.

Give me 'til twenty-three, I need another year for this  
Trying to teach my common sense to not waiver with my confidence  
Traded my soul to free my mind, car mix to help me pass the time  
Can I go back to being blind  
Asked myself why one too many times

3) They’d only just started getting along again after the last fight, but it wasn’t talked about or addressed. After all, they were happy now, no need to poke a sleeping bear. Quite a few years had passed, though. Crowley had the brand-new Bentley and enjoyed it immensely. It felt quite a bit like flying to him- going top speeds. But then Aziraphale asked The Question. The one that deserved capital letters in Crowley’s mind.   
“You were an angel, and heaven gave you everything, so why did you fall? Why chose that?”   
It wasn’t his fault, they’d had quite a bit to drink, but it destroyed Crowley again. His reply reflected just how soulless he felt at that moment.   
“You’d better stop asking so many questions, Angel. That’s what I got kicked out for.”  
He didn’t need to be paying attention to hear the gasp and the running away. He was alone again. He stared into his swirling wine glass and in a fit of rage, threw it at the wall. He wouldn’t clean it up for a solid year by that time the red wine had stained the wall and carpet permanently- a reminder of how shitty he was.

I tried to say thank you, but I don't know if you heard me  
I know it wasn't your plan, to just be the one to hurt me  
My thoughts versus my feelings, my thoughts on you hit the ceiling  
But my feelings aren't a real thing  
If I feel things I don't really discern

4) “I’ll give you a ride- anywhere you want to go.” The damn stupid angel gave him holy water, in a fucking tartan thermos. He wanted to thank him. He wanted to crawl into that stupid angel’s lap and kiss him senseless. He wanted to slap him hard enough for him to feel it for millennia.   
“You go to fast for me, Crowley.” That was all that was said before the angel was crawling out of the car.   
Crowley didn’t sleep that night. Or the next one. All of his thoughts were focused on his stupid, stupid angel. 

And I know this  
I can't read it right, between the fights  
I still need you  
And I know this  
I fell for your eyes, I just realized  
I still need you

5) It was after the not-pocalypse. Crowley thought they were getting along great- things were better than they’d ever been…. But they were still just friends. He didn’t intend on bringing up his feelings, the angel would hate him, he knew he would. But six hours of good wine was always his weakness.  
“I would have missed you t-tearbly.” said the angel, slurring his words and not quite getting them right- but it was still a bucket of ice water on Crowley, who had been enjoying the evening.  
“Don’t, Angel, please.’ He begged. He’d only begged once and Aziraphale denied him, he didn’t know why this time should be any different.   
“I would ‘ave! You,” the angel hiccuped, his eyes switching between drooping and widening,” You are my very best friend.”  
“Angel. I’m begging,” Crowley could feel hot tears pricking at his eyes, but did nothing to wipe them away.   
“You’re crying?,” it was a statement, “Let me sober up.” Crowley didn’t care anymore, the words on the label had become blurry. Reading was getting harder, so he figured emptying his blood steam seemed to be a smart idea.   
“Now, ehm, my boy, tell me why I wouldn’t be allowed to miss you.” Crowley only scoffed and decided not to answer. “Please tell me Crowley” Oh, those were the pouting eyes, Crowley couldn’t resist them, but he didn’t feel like speaking. So, in his usual fashion, he did something stupid.   
He reached across, cupping the angel’s plump cheeks in his hands and kissing him soundly on the lips. And Oh! After all this time, Crowley knew, the cold cynical place he’d visited disguised as Aziraphale wasn’t heaven. This here- lips pressed together in a dusty bookshop, this is what heaven was. He pulled away when the angel only stiffened.   
“Because I love you more than that. “ He said, a single tear making its way down his cheek as he ran out of the shop. 

And I know this  
I can't read it right, between the fights  
I still need you  
And I know this  
I fell for your eyes, I just realized  
I still need you 

1) It’d been weeks before Crowley had heard anything from Aziraphale. He’d ruined it- he had, and he knew that. He spent the first seven days in a drunken stupor only pausing his drinking to cry and vice versa, the next seven he spent sleeping it off, and the week after that he got up and moved around the world as a ghost. This was it- he was shattered. There were still churches not on holy ground that had holy water he reasoned- he’d just set up another heist.  
That was before Aziraphale barged into his apartment, looking just a mess as he felt, books in his arms.   
“Ang…..Aziraphale, what are you doing here?” He tried to sound exasperated- he really did try.  
“We, my dear are going to talk. Then you’ll let me pet your hair while I finally read these books.” He sounded near desperate, but even if he hadn’t Crowley would have heard him out anyway. “You never did let me reply that day, and I’ve spent this time thinking about what I would say to you when you finally showed up to the bookshop like normal. But you never did.”  
Aziraphale sounded strange, but Crowley was rooted to the spot- desperate to hear just three words.  
“It isn’t fair that you get your say and then disappear. I needed you, Crowley. I needed to explain to me. Because I love you, too.”  
Crowley didn’t think he’d have any tears left- especially with His angel softly crying in front of him, but as soon as the words left Aziraphale’s mouth, a dam burst and he let out a noise akin to a wounded animal. But Aziraphale was right- no matter what came next, he’d lay his head in that lap and he’d let Aziraphale pet his hair.


End file.
